If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

How to use your time wisely by reflecting on experiences so you are free to make good decisions.

Webster’s Dictionary defines reflection as a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.

Reflection is not highly thought of today. Those of you who like to spend time reflecting may be accused of “doing nothing” and “wasting time in idle speculation.” If you take time to come to conclusions you are labeled a procrastinator. If you spend time with imaginative thoughts, you are a “dreamer” or accused of being idealistic and impractical. Modern society values immediate action. You are not given the time for reflecting on what that action should be. You’re expected to be able to select the correct action instantly, even though you have no basis on which to decide how to proceed.

This is ridiculous, and leads to all sorts of mistakes, when people are unable to take time to see the truth of what is required. The world is viewed through the ideas and values learned from the past. And that view will be faulty if those ideas and values are not sufficient for your to see clearly, or if they are obscured by falsehoods.

Will success only come about if you have experience you can call on? Are copying others or using standard approaches sufficient?

What’s the point of spending time in reflection?
Reflection doesn’t get things done or make you rich. Are there good reasons why you should make sure you have time in a hectic life to “do nothing” and reflect on who you are, where you’re going and how you might yet get there?

There are many good reasons why reflection is essential:

• Learning is possible only when you are able to think about what you are doing, and why you’re doing it. You must incorporate what you’ve learned to make it a guiding principle, something you can use whenever you need. The way you do this is by reflecting on it.
• When you make the same error again and again, you can be sure it’s because you haven’t reflected on what’s happening. Actions without thought prevent you from learning. You are unlikely to recognize your mistakes.
• Without reflection, you are able only to select at random, do what you’ve done in the past, or take advice from others. Good decisions come from reflecting on alternatives.
• Reflection is the basis of all creativity. Only by reflecting on something can you recognize inadequacies in the current state of affairs, then allow your mind to produce fresh ideas. Hastiness that denies space for reflection is certain death to creativity of any kind.
• Throughout history, people have tried to explain events and understand the world around them. It’s part of being human and people seek meaning for what they experience.
• Taking no time for reflection on what you are told means you are restricted to following orders. Freedom to make your own decisions requires reflection.

Why is reflection so little valued?
Reflection is seen as dangerous to authoritarians who want to keep control. Reflection may cause you to question what you’ve been told, and encourage you to doubt the wisdom of your “betters.”

In the workplace, senior people feel threatened by the thought that junior staff might question whether they are doing a good job. Political authoritarians dislike any liberal thinking media for asking questions that threaten their moral certainties. Reflection leads to criticism, and that’s never comfortable for those in positions of power. Any activity that leads to discontent or causes people to ask awkward questions is dismissed. It’s better to keep people busy, so they don’t have time to think how their lives could be bettered.

Reflection threatens the status quo. It leads to change and is the enemy of complacency and corruption. Without questioning our actions and purposes through reflection, we have no freedom or democracy.

Reflection takes time, but it’s time well spent. Don’t let yourself be denied the chance to reflect on what you see. Those who would prevent you from doing this have their own agenda and it’s not going to benefit you.

Reflect on that.

Technorati Tags: value of reflection, making good decisions, reflecting on alternatives, learning from the past, using experience

Popularity: 5% [?]

Related posts:

• What trouble am I causing to others?
• What constitutes a full life?
• Error correction reviewed
• Inside out or outside in?
• Reasoning: A Neglected Tool
• To see how to enjoy life, start by watching a cat

Too many people rely on everything from blind intuition to excessive data collection when reasoning is a hand to help solve the toughest problem.

Do you seek help from others to work through your problems? If you do, it’s probably not because they have any specific knowledge about the subject. That’s not necessary. You usually have all the knowledge required. What you don’t know is how to organize your thoughts and come to a logical and reasoned conclusion.

Don’t rely on experience
If you have lots of experience, that may lead you to assume you can make quick decisions without bothering to collect background data. Sometimes it may work, but using your experience in this way can be a drawback. There will be a tendency to choose the answer which fits what you know.

Using reason is simple
A better way is to use reason. This will work for you in any situation. It won’t matter if you have no experience or previous knowledge of the problem. Reason allows you to use your logic to see what is true and what must follow from it.

Doing this will give you the ability to make choices about problems that arise. By using logic you can narrow down your alternatives and find those that suit you best. Don’t get angry when your boss ignores your hard work and is critical. Use your logic instead. Convince him that he’s wrong, ignore him altogether, or decide that it’s time to get another boss. Every time something doesn’t seem right, step back and reason out what the problem is. Then you will be able to make a logical decision about what changes you might make.

Why you shouldn’t rely on data
Don’t worry about spending too much time collecting and analyzing large amounts of data. When you have a problem you’re not sure about it’s easy to fall into the trap of data collection. It makes you look busy, when really you’re just wasting time. It’s also a mistake to think that will absolve you from the possibility of overlooking something important. If you collect large quantities of data the likelihood of overlooking things is huge — there’s just too much stuff to wade through. Neither will the answer pop out all by itself, saving you the trouble of working it out for yourself.

You won’t get the right answers by jumping to conclusions, piling up data or over-analyzing. Logical reasoning is nearly always the best way to proceed. Use the data if you want, but don’t stay emotionally attached to old ways of doing things. Good intentions won’t help either. To make good decisions that you have confidence in, reasoning is your best tool.

Technorati Tags: reasoning, logic, decision making, problem solving, jumping to conclusions

Popularity: 11% [?]

Related posts:

• The unending pain of circular reasoning
• Slow Movement grows worldwide
• The positive side of procrastination

You are the best person to know how to organize your life. No one else will be able to help you as well as you can help yourself.

Don’t be swayed by other’s ideas
There are many books and programs on the market with titles which have the words Self Help in the title. These books and programs are full of other people’s ideas.

Everyone of them is written by someone who discovered for themselves how to sort out their life to make it more enjoyable.

You can waste a great deal of time trying out some of these ‘How To’ books.

You can’t live your life through others’ ideas
Why is it that these books don’t really answer your questions? It’s because you are choosing to take someone else’s path, one that probably caused them a great deal of trial and error, but that is now written down as a simple plan.

What you do have in common is the knowledge that your life is not perfect and you are struggling with problems which need to be addressed. Acknowledging this fact is the first thing you have to do to set yourself on your own path of self-help. You can use other people’s plans is give you ideas. Just remember they aren’t prescriptions. Don’t expect them to give you solutions.

The process is what matters
You need to realize that trial and error is the answer to your problems. The process of puzzling things out allows you to work at finding what’s right for your circumstances. You will be more motivated to follow your own viewpoint. Remember it’s self help — that means you need to do it for yourself.

True self-help

• Throw out all the preconceived notions you have picked up.
• Take time to look at your life and decide what there is about it that you really want to change.
• Choose one important thing to focus on and see if there is some way you can make it better, or get rid of it altogether.
• Keep your self-help simple. One thing at a time, and give yourself time.
• Changes don’t happen overnight. Sometimes the change you want to make needs to be worked at over and over.
• When you see a difference, you’ll no longer need to keep reminding yourself why you’re doing it.
• Be steadfast. You are the only person who needs to know what you’re doing. You’re not doing it for anyone else, only for yourself.

Technorati Tags: get yourself motivated, keep things simple, organize your life, remember it’s self-help, try things our for yourself

Popularity: 24% [?]

Related posts:

• Why you are probably luckier than you may think
• Following your natural rhythms can improve your working life dramatically
• How to become the designer of your own life
• What constitutes a full life?
• What is the money for?
• Is happiness a matter of belief?

If you don’t know where you want to go, follow the advice of the Cheshire cat. Try being open to the possibility of any road that may be as good, or even better, than planning — and certainly than taking advice from other people, all of whom will have their own agenda.

Here’s Alice talking with the Cheshire cat in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland. Like many of us, when faced with a choice, she has no idea where she ought to be heading.

Alice came to a fork in the road. “Which road do I take?” she asked.”Where do you want to go?” responded the Cheshire cat.”I don’t know,” Alice answered.”Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter.”

“Shouldn’t I listen to advice?”
Of course, but beware. Others may try to set you on a path that they wish they’d taken themselves. Then, how do you know they have your best interests at heart? What seems a good idea to them, may be a bad idea for you. Even those closest to you don’t necessarily know you as well as they think they do. Even you may not know yourself as well as you think you do.

Life comes up with challenges and it’s not until they arise that you have any idea whether you will be able to cope with them and follow the road they lead you on — or whether the challenge is too great and you need to take another direction.

“Should I prefer stability or excitement?”
Life is inherently changeable. Although you may think you’ve chosen wisely, you may find that your path veers off in a different direction. Being open to changes will mean that you won’t panic when this happens. Sometimes a change of direction is a good thing. There’s no guarantee that your first path is the only one that will work for you.

Taking a side step and going a different way can also lead to an exciting and interesting future. Stability is pretty much an illusion. The only totally stable state for any of us is death. Until then, we might as well enjoy the ride and forget about the bumps and bruises.

Don’t stick on your old path, hanging on grimly. Have the courage to alter your ways and accept that a new path which appears unexpectedly may be just the incentive you need. Many workplace myths have a strong whiff of puritanism about them. “Staying on the straight and narrow” is one of these. Fortunately, it will almost certainly be impossible — if you did manage it, just how boring a life would that be!

Technorati Tags: take a new path, be open to possibility, enjoy the ride of life, be prepared for change, alter your ways, accept life’s challenges

Popularity: 29% [?]

Related posts:

• See how easily you can boost your potential
• Is it quitting time?
• How to avoid many more mistakes than you do now
• Why now is the best time for a New Year’s resolution
• Are you your own worst enemy?
• Whose dreams are you following?

Setting up your own special days to celebrate key life events can give you more joy and contentment

Americans have many special days in the year which they celebrate. There are national holidays and also events like Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day.

As an individual you can celebrate special days of your own. There will be birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, a new job, the birth of a child — the list goes on and on.

Choosing your special days
Do you choose to celebrate these events or do you just let them pass by as of no importance? Do you feel that birthday’s are only for kids and after a while you shouldn’t bother with them any more? What about your own special days? They don’t have to be birthdays or anniversaries. They can be anything you want them to be.

It’s easy to get bogged down in your everyday living and begin to wonder where your life has gone to. A headline in a newspaper can remind you of something that happened a long time ago, but you remember it as if it was yesterday. What happened to all those years in between? You’ve probably raised a family, been working hard, moved house and not really thought about what happens next.

If you don’t remember what happened at various times in your life it probably means that you were contented and happy. Sometimes we remember bad times more easily, when we were miserable or sad.

Making your days special
That’s why it’s a good idea to make an effort to celebrate your special days. And remember that what’s special to you may be something as simple as the arrival of your new kitten, or the day you passed your driving test.

Just as the nation enjoys ‘partying’ it’s a good thing to do for yourself. Make your celebrations stand out as something you’ll look back on with pleasure. Don’t let good things pass you by because you were too busy. You will enjoy looking through those photo albums and reliving the experience over again when time has passed.

Special days can be a blessing as they make our everyday existence more enjoyable. When your life changes very little from day to day, having something special to look forward to will give you a lift.

Enjoy the good times
Planning and preparing for a celebration can be a joy in itself. Even if you feel the day of your birth was a really long time ago, you can celebrate that your still here, you’ve come through another year and you have friends and family around you.

It’s hard to be miserable and sad when you are enjoying yourself. Looking back you’ll remember all the celebrations as times when life was good.

Technorati Tags: celebrating key life events, special days, choosing happy events, looking forward to special events, having a good life, gaining joy and contentment

Popularity: 41% [?]

Related posts:

• Slowing down, living more simply
• What constitutes a full life?
• How will you know when you have enough?
• Build your own freedom
• Ideas to avoid unhappiness
• What is the money for?

This week the government stimulus package sends out the check which you will no doubt welcome with open arms. We’re all feeling in need of some financial help.

But will the money bring you true happiness, or just a sense of relief? A money stimulus package is fine, but you need more than that to give your life satisfaction, pleasure and excitement.

Valuing things other than money
More valuable to you is the emotional and mental stimulus you get from being aware of the ordinary but amazing thing that go on around you. Don’t overlook them. They may be just the things that will give you a real lift.

Last night a Midnight Queen cactus bloomed in our yard. We’ve been watching the buds form and enlarge, marveling at the length of the stems and buds. Each six-inch flower is a wonderful white tinged with pink. The centers are pale yellow with white stamens, and they are spectacular when viewed against the blackness of the night sky.

Stimulus 1: Be awake and alive
You don’t have to be a traveler or scientist to appreciate and marvel at the many wonders which are around you. You just need to be awake and alive to what is happening and what you see. You can be inspired by looking at pictures taken from space, or TV programs about other parts of the world, but enjoying the mysterious in your daily encounters will enhance your life’s experience.

Take pleasure in the small things that happen during your day. Notice the faces around you. Look at the sky, the trees, the flowers.

Stimulus 2: Don’t let your problems overwhelm you
It’s very easy to stop noticing the wonders that surround you. Letting your problems loom so large in your life that you can think of nothing else will make you despondent and depressed.

It’s important to try to lift your spirits and the way to do that is to be aware of the world around you. Don’t keep your head down because you are overburdened with problems, let your eyes wander and see all the little changes that are happening around you. Whatever your difficulties are, life will still go on. The birds are nesting, the plants are growing, the clouds scud across the sky and sometimes the sun shines.

Stimulus 3: Be a part of life, not apart from it
There are no guarantees that life is going to be kind to you. You may be lucky and have a wonderful life full of friends and with no financial worries. You may not be so fortunate, and have to struggle to make ends meet. Whatever your life is like, it isn’t something that’s isolated from the rest of the world.

As a marvelous and mysterious part of nature you need to enjoy and appreciate the rest of the world which is around to you. Use your eyes, marvel at nature’s wanders and take pleasure and joy in all aspects of life.

“The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.” Albert Einstein

Technorati Tags: emotional and mental stimulus, taking pleasure out of the everyday, being aware, enjoying life’s wonders, lifting your spirits

Popularity: 45% [?]

Related posts:

• Emotional bruises
• Are people’s brains evolving to cope with a more hectic, faster-paced world?
• What’s the best basis for happiness?
• Hot Buttons
• Slowing down — for the environment’s sake
• Why happiness often means having less

If people are contented, they are more likely to form friendships, be prepared to help each other out, and spend time working out how they can solve problems together.

Watching the movie “In Which We Serve” I was interested to see how Noel Coward, as the Captain of a destroyer, addressed his men. He called them from their ranks to come closer, so they were clustered around him and he was talking directly to each one.

In one particular scene, he talks to them about one sailor who deserted his post while the ship was under fire. Instead of disciplining the sailor, he chooses to put the blame on himself. He acknowledges this man’s newness on the job, and his own failure for not explaining what was expected and required of all his men.

Do you behave like this?
Do you take the time to be sensitive to the needs of others?

When people make mistakes, or do things wrong; when they treat others unfairly, or expect others to understand what’s needed, rush to finish when they should take time, push to get things done instead of letting others work at their own pace; are you certain that you’ve explained and made clear exactly what you expect from those around you?

Why do people do the things they do?
Perhaps you should look at how you interact with those close to you. You may well have picked up bad habits. You may feel under time and monetary constraints which make you push to get things done. You may need to explore the reasons why you do some of the things you do. It may be that you’ve just got into an automatic way of responding to requests from those around you. You pick up the task and run with it, without talking it through and deciding exactly what is required and when each piece needs to be completed. If you also simply throw tasks at other people, with no explanation, they won’t understand how to proceed. Nor will they feel able to come to you to ask for guidance and advice.

Making the people around you happier, will make them more efficient
Obviously, you’re not going to be in the same situation as the Captain of a destroyer, under fire in a war zone, but getting people to feel comfortable and enthusiastic about fulfilling your requests is still important.

You must take time to talk to them, and get to know them. If you do this, you’ll understand their fears and weaknesses as well as their strengths and boldness. Every one of them will have something worthwhile to say and it’s important that you take the time to discover what it is. Bringing them into the discussion, asking them for their input, sharing ideas and plans, all these things will make others feel valued and respected.

Valuing people
People who feel valued for themselves and for their ideas will be much happier than those who don’t understand what they are doing, and have no real feel for what their part is in the work in progress. Happiness and understanding go together to produce efficiency, as everyone works towards the same goal, even if you realize that they may take different routes to get there.

Technorati Tags: being sensitive to the needs of others, making people’s lives happier, how you interact with others, helping others understand how to proceed, getting people to feel comfortable and enthusiastic, valuing the people around you

Popularity: 58% [?]

Related posts:

• Siestas are good for you
• What’s the best basis for happiness?
• Reasoning: A Neglected Tool
• Why now is the best time for a New Year’s resolution
• Enough With The Worrying!
• Slowing down, living more simply

Choosing your own way will always be better than letting others choose for you.

All through your life, you are encouraged to work hard, to strive for the next goal and never to be satisfied with what you have achieved. Often the goal doesn’t even seem very important. It’s just the next hurdle you have to jump in order to be recognized as a good worker.

Those who are referred to as high fliers are pushed even harder than the rest. They are expected to show more enthusiasm for their work and to accept long hours and tight schedules. All this so that they can move quickly up the corporate ladder and get the job with the large salary and even longer working week.

Other people push you and tell you what to do.
If you follow their advice, then what you achieve may be a dreadful disappointment to you. Getting the high paying job with the long hours may not be what you really want. If you always assume that the important thing is to do the work and keep striving, then when you reach the goal you’ve been set, you may well wonder if it was all worth it.

It isn’t your goal, so you won’t really know why you’re struggling to reach it. All the effort you put in will seem as little reward when the goal achieved has no value for you. When you get there, you won’t see any real benefit to yourself. Choosing your own goals will have quite a different result for you. You will not mind working hard, or putting in extra hours if what you hope to achieve is something you believe in. You value the effort required because you value the end result you have produced.

What happens when you get there?
The outcome of achieving with no belief in the goal is nothing but puzzlement. What did you do it for? And, more to the point, has it given you a sense of satisfaction? If it ‘s just a step on the way to your next appointed goal, then you’ll still be on the treadmill with no sense of where you’re going.

The workplace is full of people asking you what your next goal is. People wanting to know how you plan to achieve the next task. Wanting to know how quickly you can fulfill your project objectives.

Time spent on choosing is never wasted.
It’s important to allow yourself time to look at what you are working on. Is it something you believe in? It is something you are prepared to work extra hard for? Is the goal really worthwhile?

Don’t let your life turn into a treadmill where the tasks you are told to complete are filling your time, but not giving you any satisfaction and sense of real achievement.

Technorati Tags: building the life you want, having your own goals, working for what you believe in, taking time to choose what you want, valuing your work, having a sense of satisfaction

Popularity: 65% [?]

Related posts:

• Today’s children may suffer as much stress as adults do
• How to build relationships that work
• For better development, give yourself enough time
• Beware of an obsession with over-achievement
• The truth about strengths and weaknesses
• Why you should break out of your comfort zone

Learning the dangers of indulging in instant gratification cannot begin too early in life . . . or continue too long.

In part of a slightly flippant quote taken from the Feedback page of BusinessWeek (Apr. 21), a father from Ohio says:

It may be a flippant remark, but it’s still a rather disturbing thought. Teenagers who are allowed — even encouraged — to always spend any money they have are getting a strange idea of how finances work. Even if they are on a fixed income of allowances from you, the parent, if they don’t ever bother to keep some money, or have to save up for something, when they start out on their adult life difficulties are bound to occur.

It could be that, by allowing too much freedom and license in spending habits, you are encouraging them to believe that money is easy to come by; and both you and I know that it isn’t. It is, however, very easy to lose. Many kids lose all too much by not understanding how to use a credit card, or not realizing that their bank account, if they have one, isn’t an endless well of money.

Good intentions gone awry
Most parents don’t like their children to go without things, but learning you can’t have everything just because you want it is important. Parents aren’t always going to be there to bale you out if you mess up.

You know what? The same is true for adults. We don’t like to go without what we want. We don’t relish having to save up for things or be patient in getting what we want. We, just like our children, sometimes act as if there is a fairy godmother somewhere who will wave a magic wand and save us from our worst financial decisions. They think you are the fairy godmother. It seems many parents think the banking system is.

What’s easy isn’t always sensible
Given people’s tendency to want it all — and want it now — it’s not surprising that someone came along to profit from that foolishness. Many people, in fact: credit card companies, banks, mortgage companies, and lenders of all kinds. All fanned the belief that self-indulgence was a ‘good thing.’ And,if you didn’t have the cash needed to do it properly, they would lend it to you.

Like the most indulgent of parents, they handed out wads of cash with scarcely a murmur — other than, “Sign here, please.” Of course, indulgent parents don’t ask for the money back, or interest on the loan, but no one talked about either of those too much. The media joined in the game as well, writing that the US economy, probably the whole economy of the developed world, depended on continued “consumer spending.” What’s that? It’s people first spending all they have, then borrowing still more.

Suddenly, it was your patriotic duty to over-spend. Far from being financially stupid or recklessly irresponsible to act like the most feather-headed teenager with a few dollars in their pocket, it was essential to the financial health of the world. There has probably never been such a wonderful excuse for self-indulgence on a heroic scale.

Hangovers hurt
Now we have the hangover that comes after any period of indulgence. Have we learned our lesson? I doubt it. As soon as the pain eases, all those people will be back again, urging us on to spend more. After all, they made huge profits from our silliness and they aren’t about to give those up without a fight.

Are teenagers irresponsible with money? Sure, many of them are. How do they learn to be that way?

Take a long, hard look in the mirror.

Technorati Tags: learning life’s lessons, giving our teens advice, being a guide and mentor for your kids, learning the value of money, too much indulgence is bad, finances, spending, borrowing, debt, instant gratification

Popularity: 77% [?]

Related posts:

• What makes teenaged children happy?
• Whose dreams are you following?
• How to slow down in everyday activities
• Is too much TV a cause of unhappiness?

Chocolate used to be an absolute “no-no;” now it’s a health food. So what really is the truth about what we eat? Maybe you should slow down and think about that.

Cocoa beans, the source of chocolate
(U.S. Department of Agriculture)

I’ve just been reading the latest edition of the AARP Bulletin. There’s a page in it dedicated to encouraging us to eat foods that are high in antioxidants. As this includes plain dark chocolate — something which those of us who already eat it are aware of — it seems like a good suggestion.

Media bombardment
When I’m watching TV, I get really turned off by all the adverts for this or that medication and I begin to wonder if we haven’t all lost our minds.

Food fads come and go. One day we’re told we should eat low fat everything. Then we’re told some fats are good for us. We should eat lots of green vegetables, but (just in case) we can take pills to stop bloating. Fruit is good for us too, but (just in case) there’s a pill to block ourselves up so we don’t get diarrhea.

We are bombarded with supposed nutritional information everywhere we look and if it’s advertised on the TV, especially if the advert has a well known actor in it, we think it must be good.

Do you feel okay?
We should stop and think. Most of us know when we feel good, and when we feel we’ve overeaten or eaten something that didn’t agree with us. What do we do in those circumstances? We give our insides a rest cure. We drink lots of water and eat simply for a couple of days, and everything gets back to normal.

Fads of any kind will upset your life because of their very nature as a fad. They appear and catch your attention, and before you know it you’re hooked. You want to be ‘in the know’ — to feel well informed, and able to pass on your knowledge to those around you.

But is the fad even correct? Most have very short lives before being disproved or superseded.

What effect does this have on you?
If you pick up your knowledge from the TV, the newspaper, or an email that’s been doing the rounds, without really knowing where the source is, how do you know that what you’re learning is true? How do you know that it will have a good effect on you? If you’ve never been a yogurt eater before, why should you suddenly decide to eat yogurt that promises to clean out your system? If you’ve never liked greens, but get all the goodness you need from fruits and other vegetables, why suddenly start eating differently?

Unless you want to upset your insides, it seems to me that sticking to what you’re used to is better than trying to change your diet to suit the latest fad. Remember the old saying, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

I’ll just keep eating the chocolate!

Technorati Tags: finding the truth, thinking for yourself, health, truthfulness in the media, fads, fashions in eating, making up your own mind

Popularity: 81% [?]

Related posts:

• No related posts