Are you afraid to live as you want?

Do you hate how you are, yet treat yourself as helpless to change? Do you see yourself as less than competent, yet believe you are incapable of learning new skills? Do you long to do something meaningful or exciting, yet stay in the shadows because you fear making a fool of yourself?

Self-doubt is a common problem. Too many people continually put themselves down. As a result, they perform poorly in life. They quickly stop trying to learn or change and so become depressed and disheartened.

Sometimes the negativity stems from bad experiences in early life. Perhaps a parent who laughed at them or belittled their clumsy, childish efforts. Perhaps a teacher who was hyper-critical. Most often, the culprits were other children, who can be devastatingly cruel to anyone who is “different” or doesn’t keep up. Even in later life, harsh comments by a respected boss can convince people their case is hopeless. They’ll never be good enough, whatever they do.

Let go of past criticism
Life is not perfect. There will always be inconsiderate bosses and cruel co-workers: people who take a perverted delight in seeing others’ dreams and hopes crumble into dust. You cannot remove them from the world, or stop them from spreading hurt wherever they pass.

Instead, focus on seeing them for what they are: rather sad, pathetic creatures, deserving of your pity more than your condemnation. What they do speaks volumes about them and says next to nothing about you. If you look at it that way, you can defend yourself against such wounds and even heal past hurts, emerging with renewed courage and enthusiasm for attaining your dreams.

Ignore your inner critic
It may be hard to accept, but it’s likely you’re the cause of most of your own problems. I don’t mean you started them — someone else almost certainly did that to you — but you’re responsible for keeping your self-doubts alive and fit.

Every time you repeat them to yourself, you give them fresh life and fuel to grow. “I know I’ll fail,” you tell yourself. “People will laugh at me. I’m so slow to learn. I’ll just make a fool of myself.” Telling yourself this helps make it so. The best way to conquer self-doubt is to starve it to death: to refuse to go on repeating the same, tired mantra of inability, fear and embarrassment.

If there is any power in “positive thinking,” it’s not some spiritual or magical force. It’s far simpler than that.

By refusing to keep reinforcing the negatives in your life, you steadily reduce their ability to block you from action to grow and succeed. You don’t even have to think positively (though it may help). All that’s needed is a determined refusal to go on repeating what that unthinking parent, sadistic boss , or cruel “friend” said to you.

Let it go. Don’t try to argue with your inner critic. Stop paying it any attention. Do what you want to do, regardless of the voice in your head. Believe me, in quite a short time, it’ll become so weak you’ll stop hearing it.

Prepare well, stay cheerful and do your best
Throw yourself into whatever you want to achieve. Give it your all, regardless of that wretched inner critic. Immerse yourself in activity. Above all, be realistic. Don’t set silly goals, well beyond your current capabilities. Keep your sights on results that stretch you, but won’t add to your anxiety.

Learning and growing is not a competition. Perfectionists easily turn into defeatists. Those who set more moderate standards usually attain them. You don’t climb a mountain by trying to take one, giant leap from the base to the summit. If you keep taking small steps on the trail, you’ll surely get to the top — it that’s where you want to go.

Your goal need not be to reach the heights. You don’t have to pretend to aim for something beyond your true interest level, just to impress others. In life, only two goals make sense: to keep progressing, and to live your life as well as you can, given your unique circumstances. Tremendous goals sound exciting, but most often they’re little more than window dressing.

If you want to conquer self-doubt — and probably achieve more than you ever dreamed possible — set out today. Keep taking baby steps, refuse to be depressed or deflected, and enjoy the journey. Then, wherever you reach in the end, you’ll have had fun along the way.

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