Keeping Your Identity While Fitting In
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How you can be yourself and a valued member of the group at the same time
When joining any organization, try not to let yourself become part of group mediocrity. Keep hold of the ability to think for yourself and keep a strong sense of walking your own path. Choosing wisely can mean you get to do things you really enjoy with people you like. Following others because you are too scared to try things out for yourself, may mean you don’t get the chance to belong anywhere.
Becoming a member of a group or organization is a conscious decision to accept what the group believes in. Whether you feel you can conform to every tenet of the group’s ideals may be open to question. There’s a balancing act which goes on between how much you are able to fit in and how much you want to stay yourself.
Keeping away from the extremes
If you are too extreme, set on doing your own thing and don’t pay enough attention to what others’ require of you, you’ll find that you’re probably left to your own devices, not included in activities and maybe even pushed out. Group members don’t like people who don’t “fit”. They make members feel uncomfortable.
On the other hand, you might be just as likely to offend if you are a complete conformist and never have any views or ideas to put forward to further the group’s ideals. If a group is to sustain itself and encourage new members, it needs to be seen as something vibrant and lively with the potential for growth.
Walking the group versus individual tightrope
Once you’ve decided that a group is important to you then you should be prepared to dance a fine line between fitting in and being yourself. This takes a good deal of effort if you want to stay independent, yet be seen as willing to further the aims and aspirations of the group. Learning how to manage this balancing act takes time as you get to know how the group works.
Don’t make the mistake of letting yourself get swept up in the emotions of the moment without thinking about what you’re doing. We all love the feeling of belonging. We love to have people around us who feel as we do. It’s intoxicating. But, organizations need to be looked at with a critical eye lest you allow yourself to become a conformist dummy.
Going with the flow, following others’ leads, always agreeing with someone else, not being enthusiastic - this leads to group mediocrity. If there are too many people in the group behaving like this, then there’s not much future in it.
When the only answer is to walk away
If for whatever reason you decide you can’t manage to maintain your own independence and still feel part of the organization, you have to think about leaving. Whatever you do, don’t argue with those members who love their organization or group. It may not work for you, but suit others to a tee. Even if you are disaffected, that doesn’t mean you can belittle what others’ need or want. That’s just sour grapes. Leave with dignity. Be gracious and thankful for what you enjoyed in the group and try something else.
Being an individual and yet remaining the kind of person others want to have around is pretty much what life is all about. It isn’t always an easy balance to keep. There will be times when a simple compromise won’t do for either party; and times when the cost of fitting in will be too great to bear.
In the end, you are who you are and no amount of play-acting to appear different and please others will change this. Indeed, doing so usually only serves to make you unhappy in yourself and distrusted by others. The ability to sense a fraud is something most people are born with.
Technorati Tags: keeping your identity, thinking for yourself, balancing independence and need to belong, being a good group member
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