Good Relationships
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How to be a good, active member of your community
Dealing with people takes time. You need time to get to know them, time to establish trust and respect, time to recognize their strengths and weaknesses, and time to help them develop and grow. Perhaps the worst aspect of the frenetic pace of life that’s becoming the norm is the way it deprives people of the time to spend with others they need to associate with.
How do your community colleagues and friends know that you’re interested in them? Truly interested in their welfare and abilities, not just focused on them as useful to you in some way: shoulders to cry on or busy bees who you can call on when you need help.
The answer is simple: it’s the amount of quality time you spend with each one. It’s worrying how many people suspect that others aren’t interested in them, especially the people they deal with everyday. When this happens, it usually leads to lowered interest in joint objectives, less commitment, and minimal trust. This isn’t some “touchy-feely” aspiration. People who feel neglected and undervalued are less productive, less cooperative, show less initiative, and are more likely to imagine that they cannot be of any help.
Valuing people for who they are
Holding group meetings isn’t the answer. Sitting people in a room with ten or fifteen others may be useful for passing on information, but everyone will perceive that you, the organizer, show little interest in them as individuals. People need to be valued for themselves, not just as a member of a team. They want to have your undivided attention regularly — not just at times when you are evaluating what’s been done and who’s done their fair share. That’s like only talking with your teacher once a year at report time. If there’s any criticism, it’s too late to explain or show what you can do. One of the reasons people dislike going over what’s been achieved is that sometimes instead of focusing on what went well, too much time is spent on negatives aspects which makes them feel their efforts aren’t appreciated.
The need for time is still greater if there are people problems to deal with. When someone is angry or upset the first thing they want is to be heard. They want someone who will take the time to listen to them properly. They don’t want to be brushed off with a ready-made response. They want some of your time. Deny them this and the problem will escalate.
Listening to what others’ need
Everything that applies to working with others in your community applies equally to your family. Think about your experience at home when you have something important to announce and no one bothers to listen. How do you feel if your nearest and dearest obviously spend as little time on your needs as they can? Will it encourage you to persist? Will you have another go at getting your information through? Probably not. You’ll go off into a corner and sulk, assuming that no one cares.
Having good relationships is an important principle of Slower Living because it demands the correct use of time. Rushed, harassed people get it wrong. Good community and family members do well because they take the time to listen and encourage others. Dealing with people is important because you learn to appreciate them for who they are, not for what you want from them. So if you can’t or don’t make enough time for them you’ll never get people to open up to show what they can do, or to want to help you in your activities as a good community organizer.
Technorati Tags: spending time with people, using your listening skills, being a good organizer, being heard, showing you care
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