Overcoming Feelings Of Envy
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Why make your life miserable?
Everyone feels envious sometimes. It starts when we are small and want the toy that our brother is playing with, or when we run off with another child’s bike because it is newer or shinier than ours. Some of us learn to cope with envy early on and seem to get through life without the anger and misery that envy brings. Others are not so able in dealing with it. Since envy can be extremely destructive and make our lives a misery, both to ourselves and to those around us, dealing with envy is an important part of staying happy.
Key steps in dealing with envy
Learn to accept that you may often have feelings of envy and give yourself time to realize how serious the consequences of envy can be. Sometimes people have trouble focusing on what is good in their life. Even if you are doing well, there will always be others who appear to be better off than you. However, if you’ve had to struggle to get where you are, then you are going to be more resilient that those who’ve had little difficulty, or had more opportunities. Just because others appear to have more than you doesn’t mean they are any happier.
Acknowledge that your views of other people and the situations around you may not be correct. Your envy of them may be entirely misplaced and you will need to wake up to your irrational responses to others. It is your ignorance of the problems of others than sometimes leads you to envy them. People often make much of their wealth, relationships and general situation in order to bolster themselves up. What they tell you may be very far from the truth.
Take time to think over what you are envious about. If something feels unfair or makes you miserable, give yourself time to realize that sometimes people are just lucky. Even you are lucky occasionally. You may well bounce back from disappointment by thinking logically through what has happened. You may find that you’ve got into the habit of resentment when listening to those around you who appear to be better off, but if you truly want to do better and have a better life you’ve got to embrace your own path. Why should you think your friends lives are any better than yours could be? Take some time to work through bitterness and strive to be different, not just like them.
Keep yourself on a rational and logical route. When someone else gets something you’ve expected or thought was yours by right don’t waste time trying to make things difficult for them. If someone gets the job you were striving for, don’t give up and slump into unhappiness. If you wallow in envy, you’ll only end up feeling inferior. Take time to plan how you can improve your job prospects by training or education.
Keep telling yourself that you don’t have to let envy take over your life. You are more intelligent than that and should be able see that envy keeps you from moving forward because you are focused on someone else. Mostly we envy people who are similar to us. These are the people who we associate with and get to know best. We know that someone has a big house, someone takes lots of exciting vacations, someone else entertains a good deal. Because we are envious, we dismiss all of these things and make fun of them as something we wouldn’t want even if we could afford it. But, if you are focusing your energy on negative thoughts like this, you will find that you don’t think positively about the things you do enjoy.
If you feel envious even when you know that you could achieve what the other person has, don’t waste time, but get on with making the effort required rather than whining that life’s not fair.
Envy can be a motivating force if it spurs you on to improve your situation. Thinking about what you want, rather than expecting you should have what the other person has, gives you the freedom to accept that your life doesn’t have to be the same as theirs. Deciding that envy is too destructive will help you from getting angry and prevent you from wasting so much time on pointless agonizing over your situation.
The main advantage of overcoming feelings of envy will be a much greater sense of self. You will be better able to discipline your thoughts and instead of slipping into the habit of whining or moaning that “life’s not fair,” you will begin to understand that by bolstering your self-esteem and making a greater effort to get what you want, your anger and feelings of inferiority will gradually disappear.
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