Are you confused about where you are heading? Out in the world of work, life isn’t simple. How can you tell whether you are headed in the right direction? How do you know what suits you best? How do you know what will make you happy?

When you’re at work, you are busy just getting on with what you have to do. You may feel overwhelmed or rushed, and you are not giving yourself enough time to contemplate how you really feel about what you are doing. Finding what suits you best — the right kind of work for you — may not be as complicated as you think if you follow a few logical steps.

Take time out to think about your future

It may be that you’ve limited your options, by sticking to a narrow route. You may have spent too much time listening to others, instead of following your own goals. Winning that specific promotion, or striving to become the next team leader, may not be the goals that you should spend your time struggling after.

Keeping your options open — being prepared to look for all sorts of possibilities — will give you more chance of finding success than sticking to one single goal and striving for it over all obstacles.

Make changes for a better future

What can you change about the way you work, and what can you discard completely? Make some resolutions to get rid of automatic habits which keep you repeating what you’ve done in the past.

Do you feel your true self comes through in your work? If you don’t chances are you’ve made some bad choices, and fallen short of who you could be and what you could do. Those you work with won’t know what you are really capable of if you stick to just doing the same as you’re doing now. You need to think about what you can do to improve your working life.

What kind of person are you?

If you’re curious, you’ll want a job which gives you the chance to keep learning — to know how things work — and you’ll enjoy helping others to further their knowledge. You may be a perfectionist who likes to see things done correctly, or someone who’s creative and innovative — excited by ideas and new possibilities.

Look for the kind of work which fits in with your values and what you enjoy. Maybe you’re a social person who likes to make new relationships and to work with others. Do you care deeply about standards and injustice? Perhaps you are more interested in practical things; you like a job which gives you plenty of action and challenges.

Do what comes most naturally

Whatever kind of job your pursue, make sure it’s one you feel at home in. Give it all the energy you’ve got and you’re sure to enjoy the experience.

Where are you going? Hopefully along the path which best fits with your natural strengths. This way you’ll find the fun and satisfaction of being yourself. And, although things won’t always go exactly as you wish, as long as you’re using your special talents you’ll enjoy whatever you do.

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To have a happy and successful life you need to make sure you are taking control. That doesn’t mean you can control what happens to you. It does mean that when things happen you are ready for them, and can take appropriate actions to enhance the good and minimize the bad. Making wise choices will give you the best chance for working towards success.

You have to be who you are. Trying to be someone else, or live another’s life which doesn’t fit in with your values won’t work. Focus on what is important to you, and have confidence in yourself.

Choose who you spend time with

Don’t make the mistake of spending time with people who are not careful of your well being. You will spend your life with others. There are lots of people out there who are only interested in themselves and their success or failure. They will use you to get what they want.

Don’t make the mistake of sticking in a job that you don’t care for. Much of your life will be spent in work. Even if you are well rewarded for your efforts, if those efforts don’t inspire or interst you, then you need to choose something else.

Actions speak louder than words

Don’t made the mistake of letting other people tread on your values and force you into doing things that make you uncomfortable and unhappy. Judge the people around you by what they do, not what they say.

Don’t make the mistake of spending too much time imagining what the future could bring. Instead, spend your time wisely by learning all you can, develop your skills and look to those around you for guidance and mentoring. Happiness and contentment will come only when you are prepared for whatever comes along.

Be generous

Don’t make the mistake of using others, without acknowledging their part in gaining the success you’ve achieved. Success breeds success, and when you are successful you will find that other people look to you and will continue to help you to further that success.

Don’t make the mistake of letting worries from one part of your life spill over into another. Part of being happy with your life means keeping a watchful eye on how you interact with those around you, at work, home, and in your community. Try to keep yourself concentrating only on what you are doing now. You will not be happy playing ball with your kids if your mind is somewhere else, worrying about what you are going to do tomorrow.

Remember that whatever happens to you in life, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem to go the way you want it to, you are still in control of what you do. Mistakes will be made, but by choosing not to let yourself be overwhelmed with problems, and by choosing how to live — and taking control — you will be happily in the game and not looking sadly on from the sidelines.

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We all need a sense of purpose in our lives. Setting goals for ourselves is one way we can give some purpose to a life that perhaps feels depressing and dissatisfying. How is it though that setting goals is so easy, but trying to achieve them often leads to failure and resignation?

Many of us fail because our goals are not realistic. We can imagine what we could do, but the effort required, the motivation needed, and the determination to succeed are more that we can cope with.

Realism is always best

By setting unrealistic goals, we set ourselves up for failure. Why do we do it? There are all sorts of reasons. We want to impress our friends and loved ones. We want our boss to know that we’re ambitious to succeed. We want to live a better life that our parents had.

However, you need to remember that the person you are setting the goals for is yourself. Don’t choose a goal that’s chosen simply to make you look good in the eyes of other people. Nor a goal that has no real meaning for you. If the goal you choose doesn’t fire you up with enthusiasm, then you’ll never be sufficiently engaged in trying to reach it. You’ve got to be really motivated to keep going.

The benefit of setting goals is the opportunity to stand back, take time to think clearly, and take a long, realistic look at yourself. Stick with things you know you are capable of doing. Find ways of building success slowly. Give yourself a chance to achieve a little at a time so you can feel your confidence building and you gain in self-esteem.

Don’t spend too much time telling others about what you plan

Too much talk about what you are going to achieve will mean you won’t be sufficiently engaged in actually doing it. Other people will be all too keen to disparage your ideas and if you fail at any stage there will be plenty who will say “I told you so”. When this happens you’ll likely want to just give up. If you keep quiet about what you are doing, you’ll have more chance to change track or try again.

Don’t listen to other people’s stories of their problems, nor listen to their advice. They aren’t you. You have enough to cope with without hearing how well they managed, or how some of their plans went so awry it was a disaster. Try to keep on an even keel. Don’t over-stretch yourself so you become disheartened.

If you are focusing on what you truly want to achieve, then you don’t need a master plan. Keep in mind those small steps along the way. Be realistic about what you can achieve, and hopefully you will begin to feel much more content with the way your life is going.

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You’ve probably come across people who simply don’t care how they are perceived by those around them. They are determined to get what they want regardless of anyone else. There are lots of thoughtless people we come across in life. They never care enough about us to apologize, or try to make us feel better. They delight in our misery.

Don’t let yourself become like this. When you know that you’ve done something to cause distress to someone else, think about how to deal with it? No one likes to admit they’re in the wrong — doing the wrong thing or speaking without thought to the consequences. It takes courage to stop it and make a change to alter your behavior. It takes even more courage to first apologize to those you have hurt.

Facing up to the problem

If you’re like most people, you probably prefer to pretend it never happened. You hope that when you meet up with that person again they will have forgotten all about it. But, chances are when you meet there’s an awkwardness in the way you interact.

What happens if you say nothing? The relationship becomes strained. The other person feels hurt and you feel ashamed.

If you don’t deal with the situation both of you will relive it many times in your minds. What began as a small incident can become far more important than it really is.

Life means always having to say you’re sorry

Far better to eat humble pie and acknowledge your error. Apologize and ask for forgiveness. You will feel much better because you can put the incident behind you and hopefully reestablish yourself in the eyes of the other person. He or she will feel better because you have acknowledge their hurt and given them the chance to be magnanimous towards you.

Forgiveness is healing. We hate to feel apart from those with whom we associate. We prefer to be in harmony with them.

A good life is one where you can be compassionate, forgiving and selfless. Try to see the other person’s point of view. Instead of being ready with a quick retort, an unthinking comment or a cutting remark &mdashj; pause and consider how you respond to those around you.

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Do you sit around and expect others to invest in you? Are you waiting for that perfect job to fall into your lap? If you are expecting good things to happen with little effort on your part then you’ll be disappointed. You should be taking the time to look at what you want from life and find out how best to develop your skills and knowledge. Be engaged in furthering your chances by ensuring that your skills mark you out from the crowd.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re self-employed or work for a large organization, your business life will only succeed for you if you invest in it, by giving value to your employer and your colleagues. You can do this by giving of your time, by being creative, and by being willing to do whatever is asked of you.

Don’t let yourself become just another worker

To stand out from others who are working and competing with you, you need to offer some kind of value that gives you an edge. Being just like everyone else will mean you get forgotten in the mass of workers, and will get treated as a commodity.

Being just one of many will get you stuck in dull, boring, repetitive kinds of work. The kind where the individual is secondary to getting what’s needed done. As a worker in a scenario like this, you won’t be appreciated, and will be thrown over if you don’t tow the line. There’s many more people out there who can fill your shoes, and no-one will notice your departure, except you.

Many companies invest in their workers by giving them training, bonuses, promotions, and the equipment necessary to ensure a good result. But, you wouldn’t want to invest in someone’s money making scheme if they weren’t prepared to invest themselves, so why would you expect your company to do so for you?

Escape from mediocrity

To escape from being just another cog in a wheel, you need to create some uniqueness in yourself that makes you stand out. That means making significant investment in yourself. Not just once, but again and again. The business world doesn’t stand still and you need to maintain your advantage over time.

You mark yourself out from everyone else by increasing your personal worth. You may take advantage of all the opportunities your employer offers. You may go back to school. Whatever you do, you will be concentrating on learning all you can about your work. In this way you will be increasing your knowledge and furthering your skills, and you will feel more motivated and capable to cope with whatever comes your way.

Having extra value

If you’re seen as a valued employee, your company is likely to want to keep you. Your employers will be more likely to invest in you too, if you are seen as someone who brings good returns.You’ll be difficult to replace and it takes time to train a new recruit. If things do go wrong, and you have to find a new job, the added value of investment you’ve made in yourself will be priceless. You’ll also be more likely to succeed at setting up a business of your own.

In our global economy, jobs can now be located all over the world. The unskilled worker has fewer and fewer options. Most of the newer jobs require highly skilled, technologically savvy people who are creative and innovative.

Keep making good investments in yourself. Let your knowledge and skills mark you out as someone who is engaged and enthusiastic. The rewards can be huge, both in personal satisfaction and in the response you get from your employer.

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Don’t let yourself be the person who is always wishing that your life was different. You can cause real misery to yourself and those around you by assuming that if you had done things differently — chosen a different mate, been kinder to your friends, worked harder to progress your career — then life would be as you imagine it should. Your unwillingness to take action may leave you with no choices but ones you dislike.

Spending time thinking of how things should be (although they aren’t), is likely to mean you don’t take decisions. You convince yourself that whatever you decide to do or say isn’t going to give you the result you want.

Procrastination

The human race is far too good at putting off what we don’t want to start. We spend ages explaining away our reluctance with excuses, imagining all sorts of requirements necessary to success, which we don’t have.

We are all affected by the use of our imagination. We can “see” how we want the world and ourselves to be, and we convince ourselves that we’re never going to achieve that level of perfection. We are stuck in the imaginary world of the perfect body. If you are fifteen pounds overweight, you’ve probably spent many hours in front of the mirror imagining how wonderful it would be if you were slimmer. But, that doesn’t mean you’ve taken any action to do something positive about your weight.

Missed opportunities

When you are stuck in the procrastinating “I wish” mindset, you are going to miss opportunities, because whatever they could lead to, you’ll tell yourself that it won’t work for you. If you’re not careful you’ll spoil your enjoyment of life with constant regrets of things you didn’t do.

No-one is perfect and you can’t expect to attain all you would like in life, but don’t let that stop you from trying. Life is full of change, and opportunities and setbacks pop up at any time. When things fall short of your ideal, don’t use that as an excuse for giving up.

Might-have-beens

Focusing on what is missing in your life instead of what is good, and not taking chances when they come along, will mean your life is a series of might-have-beens. Don’t give yourself a lot of “if only” or “I wish” scenarios to reflect on — make sure you have plenty of “yes, I did that” memories to sustain you.

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Laughter is very infectious. It’s quite difficult to keep a stiff upper lip when all around you are cracking up. Can you remember the last time you had a really good belly laugh, one that made your eyes water and left you and your friends gasping? In difficult times laughter isn’t only fun for those enjoying it, but has real benefits for your health. Laughter can relieve tension, help to calm down anger and give you a chance to connect with others in an open and genuine way.

Laughter lifts your spirits

When you are dispirited, for whatever reason, there’s all the more need to get together with others and let off steam. Not the kind of letting off steam that becomes a rant and rave about how awful everything is, how you can’t cope with your troubles, how the economy is going down the tubes, how you’re so angry at the world. That won’t be helpful at all. What you need is something to lift your spirits and give you a feeling of connection with those around you.

It’s very hard to be cross and anxious even in stressful situations, if you’re catching someone’s eye and sharing a joke. There’s an old proverb that says, “Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and your cry alone”. No one wants to be with you if you’re full of gloom and doom, and you don’t want to be the kind of person who’s a damp squid when you get together with friends.

Keep your relationships pleasant

Just smiling at people is a good way to start. It’s difficult not to respond when someone smiles at you, so try smiling at others. Being pleasant to someone isn’t difficult, and if you move from pleasantness to having a laugh with them then your relationship will prosper. Work colleagues with whom you share a laugh will be more relaxed with you, leading to a less stressful work environment and better working relationships.

You learned at an early age to use your face to show emotions, and you use an awful lot of muscles to create laughter. You smile, your eyes sparkle, your cheeks are lifted up and creases appear around your eyes. Seeing these expressions on those around you, sets you off to smile and laugh too, even though you don’t really know why. When you hear others laughing you want to know what they’re laughing about. Can you share in the joke? It’s something that’s contagious. Even hearing people laughing in another room is intriguing. It’s almost as if we are starved of laughter and need a daily fix.

Let yourself go

As an adult, perhaps you do need that daily fix. Do you find it as easy to give way to laughter as you did as a child? Kids laugh all the time. They giggle, snort, snuffle and chuckle even when they’re by themselves. Do you give way to spontaneous laughter very often? If not, do you know why not? Has your life become so burdensome that you no longer feel able to shrug your shoulders and let yourself go, even for a moment?

If this sounds like you, then its time you tried some laughter therapy. Take some time to practice smiling when you greet people, especially those you see every day. Put a smile into your voice when you talk on the telephone. You’ll sound as though you are really interested in the other person and they will be much more responsive to what you have to say. If there’s any opportunity to laugh with people you are with, take it. Laugh at yourself and show others that you’re genuinely ready to be open and honest with them. Bring them closer to you by being welcoming and relaxed, and by creating an atmosphere where laughter can be a real ice-breaker, making everyone feel that they can enjoy playing a part.

And, don’t forget those belly laughs. They’re the ones that make your whole body feel wonderful. The laughter goes on for ages and sometimes you feel you can’t stop. You slow down, gasping, trying to control yourself and then as soon you look at those around you, and your eyes meet, you’re off again, on another round of helpless spluttering.

This old record of “The Laughing Policeman” playing on YouTube reminds me of my childhood in Britain . It makes me laugh. It might make you laugh too. You can find the words here.

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Are you happy with your life as it is — or would you like to be able to improve it? Most of us, at some time in our lives, decide that we’d like things to be different. But though we want a better result, we don’t do anything different to help that change along. We don’t pay enough attention to understanding cause and effect.

Good changes mostly happen as a result of new behaviors on your part. If the change comes quickly after a particular behavior it’s easy to see what you did. Repeating those behaviors or actions will reproduce a positive outcome and you will be able to incorporate them into your life with little difficulty.

Don’t get stuck in comfortable complacency. It’s less easy if the outcome of your behavior or action occurs some time in the future. Then the consequences of the action are not so obvious. You may miss the behavior which caused the good result, so you won’t be able to replicate it. A negative outcome, which could lead to a less pleasant result, won’t easily be recognized as following from the previous action — especially if that action is something which you enjoy doing and which feels comfortable and familiar.

A good example is overeating. The negative consequences of overeating are well known, yet most of us still do it. We understand how being too heavy can lead to health problems, but we continue to munch our way through too many helpings of fries, burgers and cheesecake, and drink sodas with too much corn syrup. Trouble is, most of us really like food, especially if we’re eating with friends or family. The food’s on the table, we’re having fun, and any threat of a real problem to our health seems far in the future.

Using a long-term view to counter predictability

How does behaving like this impact on your life, at work and home? What does it mean for your self-development? Behaving in the same old way, not thinking about what you’re doing and taking a short-term view will mean that you’ll be stuck with the same old results. Your life is going to be predictable and you’ll limit your ability to change. Short-term thinking isn’t going to help you make the changes you want. If you stick with those old, comfortable, undemanding habits and thoughts, no change will be possible.

Make the changes your own, not something forced on you

If you really want to make major changes, you’ll have to bring in new habits, new thinking and longer-term viewpoints. Then you can expect the consequences of your behaviors to be different. Making changes can be life-enhancing and will encourage you to keep up your new approaches. Gradually you’ll find you can’t go back to thinking in the old way.

Changing from within, choosing to behave differently, and altering the way you look at the world, will cause new results. Don’t give in to inertia and allow yourself to stay fat, dumb and happy until it’s too late. Don’t wait until changes are forced on you. Choose change for yourself, rather than having it thrust on you as a result of your own misguided behaviors.

Create your own life-changing experiences to open your mind to new thoughts; broaden your outlook and try new ways of behaving. You will gain awareness of how to act and behave to cause the results you want. Once those new results happen, you’ll be flying high, no longer stuck in the old, comfortable, risk-averse mindset.

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Are you the kind of person who is convinced you can’t do anything to change your situation? Do you feel that everyone else is more capable and talented than you? If so, listen carefully to this piece of advice. Stop whining! Ignore that voice in your head that’s holding you back. Try refusing to see the negative aspects of your life as all enveloping. Don’t pay any attention to those cruel words and harsh actions that made you so fearful. If they pop into your head ignore them and just do what you want to do.

Many of us spend far too much time telling ourselves that we can’t do anything to make our lives better or different. The result is to make us poor performers. We stop trying to learn new things because we’re convinced we’ll fail and this leads us to become disheartened and depressed.

Don’t let your past reflect on your present

You may have had bad experiences in the past. Family members who laughed at your clumsy efforts. A teacher who was extremely critical. Other children who made fun when you couldn’t keep up, or didn’t fit in. A boss who gave you no encouragement.

That’s true about nearly all of us. Going over and over events like these in your mind only reinforces your sense of failure and feelings that you’ll never be good enough.

As you go through life you will always come across inconsideration from some bosses and co-workers. These are the people who take delight in making sure that your dreams and aspirations fall by the wayside. You can never be completely free of them, but you have to defend yourself against their influence. By doing so, you’ll emerge with courage and enthusiasm to regain that dream you thought was gone.

Dont stamp on others dreams

If you are not careful, you’ll behave in this kind of inconsiderate way to others without even thinking about it. Careless comments can destroy another’s enthusiasm. Proving how good you are at something by showing off will make others feel inexperienced and stupid.

Being thoughtless in this way should make us ashamed, especially if we are in a position of authority. Then it is your responsibility as the “expert” or leader to choose your words wisely and offer help and guidance, so others can learn from your experience.

Be careful what you tell yourself

If you’re always telling yourself you can’t do something, then chances are you won’t give it the time and effort required. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. We’re so used to being knocked down we assume it will happen all the time. Don’t tell yourself you’re slow. Don’t expect people to laugh at you. Don’t worry about making a fool of yourself. Instead you need to develop a positive attitude. Be kind to yourself and give yourself encouragement with some positive thinking.

You need to get involved in activity, keeping busy and working towards what you want to achieve. Don’t give others the chance to belittle you by setting such difficult tasks or such high standards that you are set to fail. Be realistic, take small steps, but keep on the road you want.

It’s your life

To enjoy your life fully, take comfort in the thought that if you choose your own level of interest and attainment you should be able to reach your goals.

Whatever others think you should do shouldn’t be considered. You are not there to impress them, but to choose your own path. You know that by taking one step at a time and by refusing to be miserable or depressed, you can enjoy the journey you are on.

So quit with the whining and get on with your life. Don’t listen to your inner critic. Choose to ignore the negative aspects of your life. Treat others with respect. Keep your head and plan for what you can reaslistically achieve. Tread boldly, but take one step at a time. All this will allow you to progress towards your goal and enjoy yourself along the way.

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Why can’t I have what she has? Why are they talking about me? Why do I always get delayed when I fly? Why is it raining on my day off?

We all whine sometimes, when things don’t go our way. We take ourselves far too seriously. We get upset over every little problem, punish ourselves for every mistake, and set ourselves such ridiculous targets it’s a wonder we survive from day to day. All we do is make ourselves more and more anxious.

Our worlds have become so self-centered that, whenever anything untoward happens for which we have no explanation, we believe it’s some outside force personally working against us. We are good at attributing results to the wrong causes. Successes are due in part to sheer luck. You happened to be in the right place at the right time. Failures work that way too. It’s not about you.

Stop focusing on yourself

We take umbrage when people walk by us and don’t acknowledge our presence, even though the probability is that they didn’t see us, were in a hurry or just being absentminded. When we’ve planned a day out or a vacation and things go wrong — the weather is awful, the hotel drab, our flights delayed — we think life isn’t fair and it only happens to us. We spend far too much time thinking that the world should revolve around ourselves.

Egocentrism is alive and well. We spend far too much time in concerns about why things happen to us. Most of what we achieve and most of what goes wrong is largely due to chance. If you spend a deal of your time thinking about yourself and your own concerns, then you can be sure others do as well. They certainly don’t spend a great deal of time thinking about you. So, if they don’t respond in the way you think they should, it’s because they are as egocentric as you are.

Stop worrying about what other people might think

It’s time we stopped being so screwed up and started to slow down and relax. You are much more likely to succeed in what you set out to do if you allow yourself to concentrate on the task in hand and forget everything else. Loosen up, enjoy yourself and forget what others might think about you.

Don’t give in to thoughts of inner doubt and worries, even if they seem real enough to cause you anxiety. Most of them will disappear if you see them as simply your over active imagination. Take some action instead, and tell yourself that you can improve with effort, practice and less time spent on thinking the world is against you.

Don’t rely on chance or “magic” to take you where you want to go

Don’t look for magical solutions. Just thinking about what you want won’t cut it. Your ability to do anything you want as quickly as you would like isn’t going to happen without any effort on your part. Chance is that some people may succeed purely by luck. They’re the ones who hit the headlines. But for most of us, the probability of instant success is less likely than being run over by a truck.

Looking for spectacular solutions to your problems instead of being realistic will only lead to disappointment and depression. The chances of winning the state lottery are not high, so if you have money problems that’s not the way to go. Expecting to pass your exams by wishful thinking doesn’t work either. Happiness and success come with effort. Steady, patient action, although not spectacular, is a more realistic way to get where you want to be.

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